With Your Soul
by hop-skip-n.a.-jump
Summary: What happens when the one person who never gave up on you and was your only source of light is beginning to move on? What will become of you when you have no one?
1. Chapter 1

**With Your Soul**

Disclaimer: I don't own Soul Eater ya ya ya...but you already knew that didn't you?

Fair warning, I know that Crona is mostly referred to as a male in the anime. The manga hints at being a female. I know he/she is Gender ambiguous. I see her as a girl and so I will write with that idea in mind. If that doesn't bother your perception of the character then enjoy :)

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><p><em>Its been an adjustment. My whole life and the idea of who I thought I was supposed to be was completely turned on its head.<em>

_Crona._

_I mean, even my name translates to literally meaning 'dark one'. How was I suppose to know anything different than violence and turmoil in my world?_

_A mother, who was the only friend, family, and guidance I had known my whole life was nothing but a monster. A monster trying to turn me into a darker monster. She tried to make me into a __**demon. **__Maybe she was like a normal mother in that aspect, always pushing their kids to become something greater or find their place in life. I know that she used me. I know she never truly loved me as she should have. I know that now, thanks to Maka._

_Its all behind me now. _

_I still remember all the terrible things I did. All the destruction and death I've been the cause of. I think about it a lot. Kid scolds me and tells me that's counterproductive. My whole life seems counterproductive. I know my mother was the one who led me down the path of being a kishin, but at some point I wonder...did I start to like it?_

_Ragnarok__ defiantly did, he loved the sense of strength he grew with every soul we devoured, whether it was that of an innocent or not. He loved the power, my mother was somewhat proud of the power, but where did I fall?_

_Do I know the difference between right and wrong? Am I where I'm meant to be?_

_Am I meant to be anywhere at all?_

Crona's light pink hair softly rustled in the calm breeze. It was a fair day in Death City. One of the most eventful ones. It was several years later and her friends Maka and Soul had become engaged, to several peoples surprise. All of their friends, fellow students from the academy, and their families were delighted to hear the news. Soul had found much more than just his partner in life.

Everyone was to be invited and the wedding was scheduled for tomorrow, which was suppose to be even more beautiful than today. Crona sat outside alone on the balcony outside of the apartment she shared with Soul and Maka. It took quite a while to regain everyone's trust after falling back into Medusa's schemes. Black Star still didn't trust her 100% and he was very vocal about letting everyone know that.

She had achieved a level of trust where she wasn't held in the lower dungeon like rooms of the academy. After much persuading and pleading from Maka, she had convinced Soul to let Crona move in. It was such a surprise to Crona, that she had burst into tears when she had seen her new room. The tears made Soul more weary on his choice of the new roommate. She had never had a room so nice. It wasn't a large or glamorous room, there was a twin bed with a purple comforter, a desk, and a sliding door closet. Crona's favorite part of the room was not the decor, but the large window and glass door that led to a personal balcony.

The room with Medusa had a very small window and the punishment room, where Crona spent most of her childhood had no window at all and was completely dark. The room at DWMA was small and jail cell like with metal bars blocking out part of any kind of view she could hope for.

But here, these windows were spectacular. Crona could open, shut, or lock them whenever she pleased. This amount of freedom was profound. She could not be locked away in the dark anymore. During the day she loved having the windows open so the sky was always in view, no matter if the weather was bad or good. The breeze could filter in and the smell of the city and the dull sound of city life could be hear whenever she wanted,

Night time was slightly different. Night time was when she preferred to close and lock the windows. Nighttime is when she lay in bed staring in fear that in the window a snake or a silhouette would appear in front of the moon and Cronas new life would be destroyed.

After the third time of Crona sneaking into Makas room during the night, they had bought her heavy drapes to cover the windows.

Crona's eyes slowly scanned the town below her. She liked watching everyone rush to get to wherever they were going. Resting her chin in her hand, she closed her eyes and exhaled. It was rare to find moments like this. Ragnarok had become less over bearing but would still lash out whenever he wanted. While she did not care to carry on studies, her friends were normally busy with school. Crona had much less classes scheduled due to the fact that she is part weapon herself and didn't need much of those classes instruction.

Maka and Soul had finally achieved becoming a Death Scythe after 99 souls and a witch. Soul would occasionally work for Lord Death, but preferred to stay with his meister. Black Star was jealous, but still attended their celebration party in good spirits.

That was the night he proposed. It wasn't "the cool thing" to do, but he didn't care. He loved her and that was all that mattered. It would be decided that Black Star was the best man ans Tsubaki was the maid of honor.

Crona was excited for the upcoming celebration, but also confused. A wedding wasn't something she was familiar with. She was very happy for her friends and would do whatever she could to make their special day enjoyable.

**"Hey" **a taunting voice said to her as she felt her black blood flow near her spine.

"I was beginning to think you weren't going to talk to me today" Crona responded, attempting to joke.

"**What? Are you dumb? I sleep through most of the boring stuff you do. But your whole life is boring now" **Ragnarok shot back. Crona shifted her eyes and furrowed her brow.

"Its not boring, we have a good life here now"

"**Yeah yeah, you're the weakest I've ever seen you. We never get to do anything anymore" **he argued, stretching his small back and arms **"But I'm hungry now so get your scrawny ass up and make us some lunch".**

Crona groaned and headed for the kitchen. She hadn't eaten yet today, but food wasn't nearly as big a deal for her as it was for Ragnarok. After years of him stealing her meals, her body had adjusted to not eating so much. After moving in, she had gain a small amount of weight but still maintained a skinny frame. After much pleading from Patty and Liz, Crona did attempt to shop for new clothes with them. Normally she would shy away from such an interaction, but Maka insisted it would be a good lesson in bonding.

Patty overwhelmed her with clothes to try on and even offered to buy, but after the 15th dress Crona was begging to come home. They settled for one new outfit. Which looked almost exactly like her normal clothes. Black boots and a long sleeved black dress. The only difference was that it was slightly shorter than the one she was familiar with and it was more loose at the bottom which allowed it to lightly flow and sway. It took getting used to, but Patty counted it as a victory.

Crona entered the kitchen and opened that fridge to grab some eggs to cook. The cool air and buzzing coolant sound greeted her as she searched for two eggs in the refrigerator. She plucked them from their cartons and lightly shut the door. She grabbed a pan down with her free hand and then sat the eggs to the side as she turned the burner on. The blue flame danced beautifully, jumping and quietly cracking before she set the pan over it.

After she finished frying and scrambling, Ragnarok was practically ravenous and began shoveling food into his mouth as soon as Crona set the plate on the table.

**"You know, you could really work on your cooking too..."** he spat out between bites.

"You're eating it aren't you?" Crona retorted dryly. She wasn't hungry and she knew two eggs would not be nearly enough to fill Ragnarok's bottomless pit of a stomach. She sat at the table as her _partner_ of sorts stuffed his face.

**"Whats with you today?" **Ragnarok asked **"You have that stupid thinking look on your face, are ya still jealous about the wedding?"**

Crona's face lit up bright red as she glared at him.

"I'm _not __jealous" _she stated strongly. Truthfully, she wasn't jealous. She wasn't sure how she felt. She did not feel romantic toward Maka, they were just close friends. Well, as close as Crona could be with another person. She was just nervous about the next step. Once they were married, would they get their own house? Where would she go? She couldn't intrude on them forever, even if Maka invited her. Crona had not been nervous about the wedding until Liz brought it up while shopping.

_"You know we have to come back out shopping, you're going to need a dress to wear at the wedding" Liz informed Crona on the way home from the boutique shops._

_"Yeah! Ooohh we could get you one that is pink like your hair!" Patty giggled._

_"I could just wear this-" Crona tried._

_"No way, this is a we__dding. It's her most important day" Liz said. All three were silent for a minute. They walked past a park busy with children swinging and playing as their parents looked on._

_"Not to be rude Crona, but what do you plan to do after the wedding?" Liz asked quietly._

_"Well Tsubaki told me there's a reception and there will be dancing an-"_

_"No, I mean _after _the wedding. Like once Soul and Maka are man and wife and stuff. You can't live with them forever, what happens when they want to have kids?" Liz clarified as they continued on._

_Cronas face whitened slightly. She had not considered that. She had not thought of what would happen if Soul and Maka wanted to move on. Certainly they wouldn't want to take care of her forever._

_"I could always help...around the-"_

_"Do you really think you'll be good with kids? You don't want Maka to be your babysitter forever do you?" Liz asked raising her eyebrow. _

_Why all this focus on kids all of a sudden? Maka seemed perfectly happy with her life right now..._

Even though the conversation was over a week ago, Crona couldn't shake those thoughts out of her head. It was constant noise. From those thoughts, several others stemmed off into their own twisted versions.

Did Maka pity her?

Feel like she has to take her in?

Where _will _she go once they move on?

Once they become a family, will they be so quick to drop her?

Ragnarok had finished his lunch moments ago and was back to pestering Crona. The hair pulling, name calling, and taunting faded in to background noise as she ignored him. She was lost in her thoughts. Lost in everything else too.

**"What are you gunna cry now?" **he taunted **"At least you'll always have ME"**

Crona stared into a space on the table, unable to shift her eyes anywhere else for fear that tears would form and fall. She sadly thought to herself:

_'I will have no one else'_


	2. Chapter 2

First chapter was kinda slow, but I'm just warming you up! Each chapter will hopefully be something worth while to read. Reviews are welcome as always (I need to know if this story is worth anything to continue.)

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><p><strong>Chapter 2<strong>

"Hey Crona, we're home!" Maka announced as the sound of the door opening broke Crona out of her trance like thoughts.

Maka and Soul both had arms full of grocery bags which they were trying to unload onto the table and counters.

"We decided to do some shopping on the way home from class" Soul stated cooly. Ragnarok lunged at the produce in attempt to snag some food.

**"Good thing you guys showed up, Crona almost killed me with this trash she tries to pass of as food. Now someone unload those bags and whip up a real lunch!" **He shouted. Crona shifted her gaze, Maka notice a look of unease on her face.

"You okay Crona? How was your day?" Maka asked nicely as she took a gallon of milk from the bag to add to the fridge.

"Oh...uh...good" Crona fumbled. It wasn't a lie. As far as days go, it definatly wasn't a bad one. Soul raised an eyebrow.

Sensing that Crona was uncomfortable, Maka knew not to pry for now and left it at that.

"Well good" Maka chirped, handing a loaf of bread to Soul to put away. The kitchen sat in a silence for a moment. Ragnorak looked around and saw noone was jumping to make him a new meal and grew bored, he huffed and merged back into Cronas back.

Crona was thankful that was not as relentless as usual today. Soul and Maka finished putting away everything and Soul went to the living room to watch TV.

"How was class?" Crona asked, trying to make small talk.

"Oh, same as usual. We're attempting to learn more Death Scythe techniques to make Soul as strong as possible for when Lord Death needs him for serious stuff" Maka explained. She popped some bread in the toaster then slid out a chair out to sit at the table with Crona.

"Its actually less stressful than trying to plan the wedding" Maka admitted sheepishly.

Crona gave a confused look, shouldn't a wedding be a happy event to plan?

"Stressful?" Crona inquired. Maka nodded.

"I love Soul and I can't wait for that day, but training and studying comes much more natural than trying to throw a perfect wedding ceremony and reception you know?" She explained.

"I've never seen a wedding before..." Crona said quietly. Makas expression dropped slightly.

"I'm sorry if you felt left out of not being in the wedding" Maka said. The toaster popped out its freshly cooked toast which made Maka rise to her feet to retrieve it. The smell gentle drifted to Cronas nostrils, making her stomache crave something to eat. Hopefully the smell wouldnt attract Ragnarok to come back out.

Crona shook her head in protest. She didn't know the first thing about weddings so it was completely understandable why Maka would have her sit by a nearby table instead. Maka was aware Crona wouldnt know how to deal with being up in front of everyone.

"No no, You don't need to feel bad-" Crona assured before she was cut off.

"Hey Maka, when you two hens are done clucking about feelings and stuff how about you bring me out something to drink?" Soul shouted from the living room half jokingly. Crona saw a smile creep across Makas face as she set her plate down on the table and scurried into the living room.

"Oh I'm _sorry_, are your legs suddenly broken?" Crona heard her ask jokingly. Then squeals of laughter and giggling errupted. Crona leaned over a bit to see Soul in the midst of tickling and play wrestling Maka. Sounds of Maka kicking and pleading Soul to stop tickling drifted back into the kitchen where Crona sat alone.

After several moments too long, Crona realized she had been staring and snapped back into a normal seated position. She didnt have long to think about her loneiness when she felt her counterpart merge from her upper back.

"**Hey, don't mind if I do!" **said Ragnarok before he helped himself to the unprotected toast left by Maka. Crona quietly protested and tried to hold him back but there was no stopping him.

Crona listened as the sounds of playful banter would subside into low whispering and what sounded like soft kissing in between sentences. Maka would never even notice her small snack was missing and how could she?

She was distracted by love and had more happiness in the last five minutes than Crona had ever seen anyone else have in their lives. Crona wished she could know that happiness.

_I wouldn't know how to handle that anyway. Apparently it was normal for girls, even from a young age to want to find a 'Prince Charming' of their own. I never had the luxury of wishing like that. To me, my world was understood to become a kishin at the advisement of my mother. I was an indestructible weapon, nothing more. Even now, certain days when I stand on my balcony above the city, I see couples walk hand in hand with their love and I can't wrap my mind around it._

_Why would anyone want to hold hands together for so long? Isn't that uncomfortable...?_

Crona doubted that she would even want to cling to someone like that. Much less that someone else would want her in that way. Crona suddenly noticed she had been leaned over the table, staring into the other room toward her friends. She quickly snapped back up to a seated position, feeling her face flush. After a moment of realizing that Maka was not immediately coming back to the kitchen, Crona quickly stood up and scurried out toward her bedroom.

**"What the hell, Crona!" **Ragnarok protested as he was torn from his meal.

Even if no one had seen her stare, she felt embarrassed of her curiosity and thoughts. Especially with her weapon announcing that they were exiting so abruptly. Once they reached her room, he put two and two together.

**"When are you going to get over your jealousy thing?" **He asked, annoyed. Crona wished him to return back into her as she ripped her curtains closed to block out what was left of the late afternoon sun. Her curtains were so thick that they blocked out any sunlight that attempted to enter the room. For some reason, even though her mother had repeatedly locked her in pitch black rooms as a child, Crona almost felt a sense of comfort in them now. Once she got over the initial shock, it was almost like she was home again. Her warped sense of what home was. The darkness would have a calming and sometimes maddening effect.

"I'm not jealous, I just-"

She then accidentally knocked over a cup of pencils that was set on the desk by the window, which added more to her frustration. She didn't want Maka to realize she had left because then she would come looking to see what was wrong. She scrambled to pick them up from the table and floor in the near complete darkness.

**"I think you are. I KNOW you are. You want something for yourself, huh?" **Ragnarok taunted. Crona stood up and walked to her bed. She didn't want to talk but she was becoming more and more upset. She sat down on the small comforter and swung her long legs up in front of her as he back rested against the wall.

"I don't want to be alone again" She admitted softly, hoping he would show some remorse and leave her alone if she gave an answer. That was not the case, as usual.

**"Well, you better get used to it. People can't babysit you forever. You're so messed up you're lucky you'll always have me!" **He said as he began tapping his knuckles roughly on her head.

"I don't want you. You make everything worse!" Crona exclaimed, grabbing a pillow and shoving her face into it. Ragnarok wasn't entirely used to Crona shooting insults back and took offense.

**"You would be DEAD without me, who do you think hardens your blood when were on the verge of being killed? You can't fight, you can't stand up for yourself, hell you can hardly even TALK" **He said viciously, raising his voice. Crona held her face into the pillow so he would not get the satisfaction of seeing her expression.

**"Maybe it would be better that way, you being gone and all. I'm with you all the time and I can barely handle it. I would be you that Maka is counting down the days until she can ditch you and actually enjoy a life. Your own mother even knew how pathetic you are! Ya know what, I can just turn into the sword now and we can get this over with. But I bet you can't even do that right" **He spat. Crona felt numb, these were not new thoughts to her, but it was different to hear someone else confirm them out loud. Especially someone who was suppose to be the other half of you. She began to curl into a tighter ball as the clutched her pillow to prevent tears from forming.

**"You'd better get off your high horse and not get to comfortable with the idea that you will ever have more than me, because the truth is that you're stuck with me until the day you die" **Ragnarok spat as he quickly changed form and retreated into Cronas back after his furious rant.

The room became eerily quiet now and completely dark except for the faint light of what was left of the sun coming through a sliver of exposed window. The light created a beam going across the foot of her bed. She sat in the pitch black for what seemed like eternity. She slowly began to hear the muffled talking of her friends from the other room who had not yet noticed that she had left.

She was thankful for these few moments where she could just let go and cry without someone telling her it would be okay. She loved Maka for her optimistic spirit, but she didn't want to be judged for breaking down constantly.

She heard her name mentioned in the low chatter and began to hear footsteps approach her door and quickly tried to dry her face with blankets and her sleeve. There was a light knock and the door as it was push open and Maka peered around.

"Hey Crona, you okay? You kinda disappeared and I hardly got to talk to you..." Maka said softly, resting her hand on the side of the door.

"Uh- yeah I'm fine" She said, clearing her throat to try to sound more convincing "I just don't feel very good". Which wasn't a complete lie.

"Well, do you need anything?" Maka asked, sensing that wasn't all that was wrong.

"No. I just want to lay down" She said, pulling her blankets in a cocoon around her, being sure to keep herself facing the wall instead of Maka.

"Alright then, let me know if you want to talk" Maka said as she began pulling the door shut slowly to see if Crona would change her answer.

"Okay" Crona said curtly. Maka frowned slightly and looked at the ground as she shut the door, leaving Crona in the dark. She waited until Makas footsteps faded then relaxed her grip on the comforter.

_'I can't rely on Maka forever. She can't always carry the weight of my emotional problems.'_ Crona thought. She had never become better friends with anyone else in the group and felt slightly outcasted even when she was included. She dried her eyes. She would mend this issue on her own for the first time in her life. It couldn't be that difficult to become better friends with people she already knew.

She could laugh with them and fight along side them. She certainly didn't want to become the burden of another one of her friends though. Once her face appeared less obvious that she had been crying, she eventually emerged from her room, opening the curtains in the room for the light to be allowed back in. Even if she was sad, she didn't want to stay in her dark room forever. Even her mother would eventually let her out.

She walked out into the living room to see Soul with a selection of movies to watch, Maka entered from the kitchen with a bowl of popcorn, happy to see that Crona had emerged from her room. Soul asked Crona to pick a movie, which she nervously did. She hated making decisions that would impact them, even in the smallest way. Crona felt as if she were on autopilot in her mind. She quickly picked whatever movie was in the middle, which wound up being some romantic comedy to Makas delight.

For the next two hours as the sun sank outside, they watched a generic movie where the boy realizes he loves his best friend and goes on a cooky adventure to prove that he is the right one for her. Soul and Maka sat on the couch as Crona took a spot on the floor in front of them. Maka would laugh at the similarities between the onscreen couple and her and Soul. He would agree here and there, while popping popcorn in his mouth and then throwing some at Maka.

Normally Crona didn't understand the movies. The plots were confusing or not likely to happen in real life. But after only several minutes of watching, she became entranced with the movie and found herself slightly rooting for the boy to wind up with the girl.

"Geez Crona, I don't think I've ever seen you get so into a movie" Soul noted as the credits rolled at the end. Crona blushed, she didn't say anything. She still didn't know how to respond to Soul sometimes.

"It was a good movie" Maka agreed, cleaning up the few popcorn kernels scattered around the room that Soul had tossed at her. "I have to go study for the test tomorrow then probably get some sleep" She said as she pecked Soul on the cheek and headed to her room. Soul followed her, agreeing that he was tired to but wasn't about to study because thats not cool.

As the two put the popcorn away and began locking up the door, Crona took the opportunity to discreetly swipe the DVD and excuse herself to her room. She hid the movie under her mattress until she heard her friends go to sleep. Once she saw the lights turn out in their room, she took out the plastic case and studied the couple on its cover. They looked so happy.

She inserted the movie into the computer in her room. Maka had given Crona her old room and was trying to teach her how to use the computer and phone. Crona was still confused, but she had learned enough to know that the menu will pop up when you insert a movie.

For the rest of the night, she watched the movie over and over until she passed out in the early hours of the morning.

It had been the first time she forgot to close her curtains to hid from the moon.


End file.
